I have come to understand that adversities arise to first uncover places in us that need improvement or attention. Then to be faced I overcome. If we can look back at all the adversity conquered in our lives I believe we'd have the best perspective to face whatever challenges us now.
Right now, it's resentment I've been impacted by. And resentment itself is a product of another deeper root. Personally, being offended by the judgement of others has been a culprit often. I abhor the thought that because of my poor decisions, my problems with drug addiction, my young wreckless life of crime, my years of selfishness and carelessness, disgrace now in the prsent is brought upon my family, my wife, my daughter that's grown up without a father. I've grown into a man I hope can be polite, personable and proper in any situation and even consider myself mature, classy and a man my wife can be proudly introduce as her spouse, disregarding the fact that I'm currently incarcerated. But just my appearance alone, heavily tattooed, leads to other assessments. The content of the book doesn't get its depth truely revealed by its noir cover.
An offended attitude is one of the most difficult things to overcome. Proverbs 18:19 says, "An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguements seperate friends like a gate locked with bars." Literally, when we get offended it's like emotionally we gate up, draw out the weapons, lock away compassion and stand at the top of our wall glaring out. Daring our grudge to just try it! Pretty potent image. It's unfortunate admitting actually how many years of my life I wasted atop that wall. The thing we forget is, although we've geared up for a fight it's to protect our...dignity. Or honor. Well let's be honest, our pride and the right to have our own judgements....we've also locked ourselves up! We can't leave. It has us captive. It's so deceptive, we forget that. Crazy thing? We have the keys to unlock the barred door. But we just hang them on a peg, so our hands are free for us to keep tally on the wall nextto them of all the times we've been done wrong.
Hubert H. Humphrey said, "yiou cannot go around keeping score. If you keep score on the good things and the bad things, you'll find out that you're a very miserable person. God gave man the ability to forget, which is one of the greatest attributes you have."
Being locked up is miserable. Self imposed lock-down is not only the same, but preventable. It's not easy work, pulling out the weed to the roots. It takes bent backs and dirty hands. But the root, this poisonous vine, can't remain or it spreads and starts choking out good growth. It must be ripped out and flung far away.
I know in the past, my own resentments over being judged and overlooked were really just ways to cover anxiety overnot being accepted or fear of rejection. Fear based emotions are damaging and have the tendency of blowing up in our face.
Someone said courage is just doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. Facing certain fears is like staring at a mountain with sheer cliffs. Sounds like the only hope is courage and lots of prayer!
Jesus teaches us about moving the mountains of resistance or hindrance in our life in Mark 11:22-25.
he begins with, "have faith in God," reminding us that our prayers aren't empowered by our fears, but by faith in Him. He gets our eyes off the prblem and on him. Then proceeds to encourage us to tell the mountain to be cast into the sea and to believe it will be.
The sea is a metaphor for forgetting. Elsewhere, the Bible says God casts our sins into the "sea of forgetfullness" when He forgives us. Never to remember them again.
In Mark 11:25, Jesus says, "When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too." Jesus doesn't leave the lesson in an encouragement to forget wrongs done, but takes it all the way to make us complete in the heart. Forgive. God knows that grudges are self imposed cages. We can pray for Him to free us until we are blue in the face and He can't. It's us who holds the door shut and keeps it locked! So, He urges us to let it go, open the door and trust Him. To take the fear, the pain, the hurt and to give us courage and a way to freedom even in a physical cage. -N
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